Where I Stood
by Sparkleish
Summary: SongFic - Where I Stood by Missy Higgins. Implied HarryxDraco. Set shortly after the seventh book. So sappy you will likely get stuck to it. Fair amount of angst. Draco loves Harry ... and he gave him up for The Boy Who Lived's own good.


Another HarryxDraco fanfic because, let's face it, those two are perfect together. I recently started listening to Missy Higgins, and was listening to a few of her songs, and found Where I Stood, which I find quite appropriate for these two. In advance, Draco is a little bit out of character in this, but I'm sure you'll all live for the sake of sappiness.

One of these days I'll write a fanfic that's more then a oneshot and complete it … but not today.

This shortly after the seventh book, before that 19 years later thing. And by shortly, I really do mean a matter of hours. This is also set from Draco's point of view.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, any of the characters, or the song 'Where I Stood'.

--

It's over. Everything's finished. The Death Eaters are dead, or being arrested. Voldemort has been destroyed. Hogwarts is beginning to be repaired already. However, they leave the hall untouched. They leave the countless bodies lying where they had been placed by family or whoever found them for people to search for the people they love. There are more then even I would like to count. There are people crying everywhere, gasping sobs filling the hall, cries that it must be some kind of trick. Others, the ones who haven't lost anyone, walk past quickly, ashamed to be around.

My Mother's arms are wrapped tightly around me, holding me close. I can't remember being hugged this tightly, not ever, not with this much warmth and love. She's crying, her tears slipping past her cheeks and falling onto my own blonde locks. She's watching my Father, Lucius, staring at him with utterly devastated eyes. She was losing him to a fate much worse then anything anyone else had faced, or would face, in this room. He was going to lose his soul … and I didn't feel the slightest amount of remorse. He was no longer my Father … but I was crying anyway.

Because I was losing someone far more important.

_I don't know what I've done  
Or if I like what I've begun  
But something told me to run  
And honey you know me it's all or none_

He's standing there. He's standing there, looking around him. People would think that he was cold, almost heartless from the way he looked. His face was blank, his emerald green eyes simply … looking. I could see people, the ones not mourning over the dead, looking at him in shock. How could The Boy Who Just Saved Their Ass be so cold? But I knew different. I always knew what he was feeling. Always.

It was tearing him up. The guilt was so glaringly obvious, I couldn't believe that no-one else could see it. He was blaming himself for this, for everything that had happened to everyone. I wanted nothing more then to go up to comfort him, to hug him, to hold him and to love him … But that wasn't my job anymore.

Because I ran.

_There were sounds in my head  
Little voices whispering  
That I should go and this should end  
Oh and I found myself listening_

Do you want to know how long we were together? Since third year. We both hurt the other, we had more arguments then I ever thought possible between two people, and not just the ones we made for show either. There were more, hidden behind closed doors, the ones the world never saw. The ones where he blamed me for Sirius' death. The ones where I blamed him for my Father's capture. The ones where we took the arguments for the act to the reality. The ones that we caused, purely because the make-up sex was amazing. All of them … And we got through them all.

And then … Voldemort. Then _he_ got in the way.

Midway through Sixth Year. I was doing the Dark Lord's work. Harry suspected something. I could tell. Our limited time together was limited further because I didn't have any spare time to spend with him. He would sneak into the dorms at night, and would demand answers to where I had been. I would tell him some lie, some story I had planned earlier, and although he doubted me … he would still climb into bed behind me, his arms wrapped around me, and I would try desperately to sleep.

The guilt was too much.

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

I loved him. Hell, I still do. But I couldn't show it to him. I used to be able to. I would show it to him every time we saw each other, whether it be the arguments, the snide remarks we threw to each other, the time alone. He knew, every second, that I cared for him. But … I stopped doing that.

And she could.

It killed me. Every time you kissed her, touched her, held her, hugged her. Every time you so much as _looked_ at her near me, my heart broke further. The shards dug in deep, tearing me apart from the inside out … but I never let it show. It had been my decision, right? You knew that. I knew that. I couldn't show remorse, not in front of you. I just cried myself to sleep every night, desperate for someone to kiss me, touch me, hold me, hug me. Everything you did for me. Everything you do for her.

_See I thought love was black and white  
That it was wrong or it was right  
But you ain't leaving without a fight  
And I think I am just as torn inside_

It all seemed so simple before. Back when I was younger. Despite how much my Father tried to drill responsibility into my head, and proper decorum, I always had this image in my head. The one that everyone has when they're younger. You'll fall in love, you'll settle down, have children, and everything will be okay. It'll all work itself out, all the cracks and the bumps, if you think about them at all.

But in the real world … Well, things are very, very different.

You will fall in love at some point, that is one thing I can guarantee. It may be with someone you expected to, it may be with someone you never thought you would in a million years, but you will do it. I can promise that much. But there is no guarantee, none at all, that everything will be okay. Love isn't as easy as that. It never is.

You would think that something so pure couldn't be so hard to deal with, would you?

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

She walks up behind you, wrapping pale arms around you, holding you close. You cling to it desperately, the same way you used to do for me, but not anymore. That's her job now, right? Not mine. It'll never be mine again. _You'll_ never be mine again. You're going to belong to her, and … that's a good thing. Not for me, but for you. She'll treat you a lot better then I ever could …

Though … she isn't standing right …

She's slouched ever so slightly, her face pressed against his chest, her arms around his waist. That … it isn't right. That's not how she should be doing it. She's getting more comfort from him then he's getting from her. She should be standing up straight, showing that she's not hurt. That she's okay. That she can handle it. He does well with that. And she should be resting her head on his shoulder, not his chest. Leaning on his chest … it's using him as a wall. A way to hold herself up. But resting on top of his shoulder, it's like … like the wall needs her more then she needs the wall. It needs her to hold it up. And those arms … they shouldn't be there at all.

They should be running through that unruly hair of his. It calms him.

She's standing exactly where I was … but in the totally wrong way. But she'll learn. Just like I did. She'll learn.

_And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all  
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
This is what I have to do_

That's where I'm looking when the Aurors finally come for me and my Mother. Over to the two of them, watching them both, pointing out all her flaws … the ones she'll get rid of. The ones that she will _have_ to, because I can't have lost him for nothing. For someone who won't even care about him as much as I do.

"Narcissa and Draco Malfoy, you are both under arrest."

I don't even look at the Auror talking. I'm still staring at him. I kind of expected this … we are Death Eaters after all. We even have the mark. We're not going to get out of this with our souls intact. I gently stand up, my eyes finally drifting from Harry and to her. She's looking at me with so much pain in her eyes, and I have to smile, just to make her feel better. I help her to her feet, wrapping my arms around her in a soft hug.

"It's okay Mother … I don't mind … We'll both forget everything, and it will be okay …"

She's crying quietly into my chest, and I turn to look at the pair of Aurors, both stony-faced. Not that I expect anything less. They have to be like that, uncaring. I gently let my Mother move away, and they move forwards to cast binding spells on us … before those beautiful green eyes meet mine.

And I know I'm saved.

And he knows that I still love him. With my entire heart. I can tell by the simple flash of recognition that burns in his eyes for a moment, and that brief nod sent my way. He knows … he knows that I will be there in a second to love him if he needs me.

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

And so, nineteen years later, she's taken my place entirely. She knows everything about you, just like I do, she can make you smile, just like I could, and you love her, just like you did. And you're smiling, waving your kids goodbye as they step onto the train, your little girl no doubt talking ten to the dozen. And … then you notice me. Your eyes fall on me, standing there, watching you with my arm wrapped around my wife … wishing that it was you there instead of her.

I'm terrible.

And your steps walk over to me, ever so soft and ever so light. They touch the ground softly, and your little girl steps behind you. I watch you as you approach, your eyes alight. My wife leaves my grip, heading away to wave Scorpius onto the train. It's just you and me … neither of our wives are paying any attention … We could do whatever we wanted …

"I've missed you, Malfoy."

"I've missed you too, Potter."

And he smiles.

_Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood_

… and not even love him as much as I do. Not even able to make him forget.

--

'Nother sad ending … kind of. You can finish this off in your head however you like. Perhaps Harry and Draco get back together? I don't know. Make up whatever you like.

Reviews are loved muchly.


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